i had too much to dream last night.

i got to sleep last night for about 5 hours, so not too bad really. the thing about me actually sleeping during this high stress time however is that i tend to have really weird, really scray, really fucked up dreams. this is how the dream went...
on monday [this one coming, and this is true] the panel operators for the radio groups in my radio course are doing a practice on air show to get used to the panel in the live sense. this dream was about how this practice show might play out. as far as i know, i am the only one in this group who has panel experience from being on a different station, so for this show in my dream i began the show to get us into a flow and to show the others that it's nothing to be worried about [not to sound cocky or anything, but i did panel my own show for 2 years without any hitches]. so we're going all cool, it's sounding great, to us, and we're about to go to air after a little bit of a play around. the count down is on, we're ready to press play on our intro and... oh fuck, i have no idea where the on air button is or what it looks like. dead air. when you're on radio dead air is the scariest thing you could possibly imagine. it is something you do not want to happen. at the station i used to be on we only had one studio, so when the panel was on and the mics were up, you were on air. 3rrr however has 3 studios that we have seen so far, and they all have a little button that can put us on air. i had a huge freak out when we couldnt get on air and i woke up when my alarm went off [which in my dream was a 'warning warning, put the panel on air or the studio will explode' kind of alarm] and was quite fraught. after such restless and unsatisfying sleep i didnt want to get out of bed. i had to force myself out to have a shower and have been sluggish and on the verge of sleep all day.
in other news my hold request on pretty in pink came through today so perhaps i will watch that before i go to bed tonight and think nice things in my sleep. i have never seen pretty in pink but i assume as it is an 80s brat pack film starring molly ringwold it will be nice and funny and will give me nice dreams.
fingers crossed.

i couldnt sleep at all.

which is, i believe, a song written by joey ramone.

anyway, one of the problems with only being an insomniac sometimes is that when you do get to sleep, you tend to sleep for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and waste your life away doing so. i planned to get up at 7.30am today, but i couldnt get myself properly awake until 11.20am. i fell asleep on the tram and almost missed my stop. im falling into micro sleeps as we speak. the other problem is that when you cant sleep you convince yourself that you can and just spend all night trying to get to sleep instead of getting up and doing something productive. when you do decided that sleeping is not going to happen you get up and do useless things to try and get yourself to sleep. they generally dont work because they are often minesweeper which becomes very frustrating when you're doing advanced level and you're down to uncovering the last 4 squares and then you fuck up. or spider solitaire where, after a while of fucking up you say to yourself 'fine, i'll stop playing after the next game i win', which takes a while to happen. then you do win and your get your confidence back and say to yourself 'alright then, just one more, just one more'. and this goes on for hours.
i have decided that instead of being a pathetic do nothing with your time awake kind of insomniac, i shall set myself a goal to learn how to solve my rubik's cube in the time i am awake at night when i cant get to sleep, or have forgotten how to do so.
these are some of the sites i will refer to in my learning process, as i dont think i can figure it out on my own.
rubik's solver. this is for beginners and shall be a good place for me to start as i am sick of making the same mistakes and have decided to start over again.
this is another beginners site, incase the other one doesnt work. but the people who made the other site are thinking of making a book, so i think they must know a lot about instructing people to solve a cube.
this shall be the next step in my cubing quest. this is a site for learning to speed cube, an admirable skill, and something i shall pursue.
and finally i will get myself the series of choose your own adventure when it comes out on dvd as lawrence said he is filming an instructional video to put on the special features and shall fill many a dull night.

i wanna rock and roll all night.

and party every day. but life doesn't really work like that. last night i had a hard time getting to slepp. i went to bed at 9.30 after watching this doco about a man who tried to kayak across the southern ocean from tassie to new zealand. it was very interesting and after watching touching the void again in doco studies yesterday im about ready to wrap myself in cotton wool and never leave the house again. but that would be boring so instead i think i shall just stay clear of stupid and insane extreme sport. well anyway, i knew 9.30 was quite early even though i was really tired so i read some of my cinema dossier until i was really tired and i switched off the light to go to sleep at 10.30. most people who know that their alarm is on earlier than usual so they can get up and have extra time to do stuff in the morning will generally find it real easy to get to sleep so that they get enough. not me. at 1.45am when i hadnt slept yet i decided to turn the light on and watch a movie on my laptop. the movie was i heart huckabees and it was quite funny, very amusing and went for an hour and 40 minutes so that at 3.30am when i switched the lights off again i thought it was well and truly time for me to sleep. as it turned out i didnt really drift off until what seemed like 10 minutes before my alarm went off at 7.45. today i have been really tired and even a coffee at lunch didnt perk me up at all. i'm beyond tired now. i dont think i'll sleep tonight, which is annoying because i wanted to have heaps of energy to hop around the city for independent record store day tomorrow. cheech and chong are going to be at the elizabeth street jb. which is a bit hypocritical of me because we shouldnt be supporting the majors taking over the indies day, but hey man, its cheech and chong.

sleeping is giving up no matter what the time is.

a tasty little catch phrase i acquired from a poster in a don't panic envelope years ago.

that's it there. this poster was designed by Emile Hamshaw-Jones. i think it sums up the thought processes of the insomniac quite well. not that i think sleeping is a waste of time. far from it. when you can get to sleep it makes you feel rejuvenated. it cleanses the mind, gives your brain timeto rest. the problem is however that trying in vain to get to sleep when you know it is not going to happen is a waste of time, which shall be the basis of this blog.